How to Deal With Bullying
Unfortunately, bullying is a common problem for children. Research suggests that up to half of our kids have experienced bullying at some point and at least 10% experience it on a regular basis. But parents shouldn’t accept bullying as a normal part of childhood. It can affect a child’s social and emotional development as well as school performance. What exactly is bullying? Bullying is any behavior that is intentionally tormenting to another child. Most definitions describe it as chronic or persistent. The torment can be verbal, physical or psychological. And in today’s world, it can even be virtual in the form of cyberbullying. Your child should know that any behavior from another student that hurts or harms them in emotional or physical ways is a form of bullying.
Know the Signs
Bullies often exert their power covertly, away from teachers and others in authority. So you may not know your child has a bully unless there is physical evidence or your child tells you. But there are warning signs:
- Changes in sleep or eating habits
- Faking illness
- Physical complaints, such as headache or stomachache, on a frequent basis
- Frequently “losing” things
- Difficulty with schoolwork
- Avoiding activities
- Self-destructive behavior
Don’t ignore possible warning signs. Talk to your child and find out what’s going on at school. Even if it’s not bullying, changes in your child’s behavior indicate that something is amiss. Give your child plenty of opportunities to talk to you and share thoughts openly.
Take It Seriously
If your child comes to you with a bullying problem, take what your child says seriously. Bullying can bring out strong reactions in adults. You can best help your child by remaining calm and listening. Reassure your child, offer comfort, and praise your child for coming to you. Then, find out exactly what happened, who did it, and when and where the bullying took place. It’s a good idea to make a written record of the events.
You should also take it seriously if your child tells you that the bullying will get worse if the bully knows your child told. This makes the situation more delicate, but you must get involved. Talk to your child’s teacher, principal, or school counselor. Ask that they address the situation in a confidential way. Providing details about when, where and how the bullying occurs will help them monitor and prevent the situation. Some schools also have a confidential tip line for reporting incidents.
Support your child by keeping the lines of communication open. Listen when your child talks about bullying and reassure your child that it isn’t their fault. Talk about ways to deal with the bully and what your child can do to stay safe. Make sure you follow up often with your child. The bullying is not likely to stop overnight and your child will need your continued support. Seek a qualified counselor if necessary.
Along with your support, make sure you don’t make the situation worse. Don’t tell your child to ignore it hoping it will go away. Don’t blame your child for the situation or ask your child what they did to contribute to the bullying. It’s not a good idea to encourage your child to fight back and you should resist the urge to contact the bully’s parents directly. Instead, go through your school’s administration and use the school’s bullying policy to help your child.
Bullies often pick on kids who are passive, get intimidated easily, and have a hard time defending themselves. By working on your child’s confidence, you can help your child deal with the bullying. Make an effort to connect your child with friends who are a positive influence. Your child may also benefit from clubs, sports, youth groups, or other group activities with supervision.
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